bridal etiquette

Dear Anonymous~

I always encourage my brides to provide vendor meals, especially for the photographers who work extremely long hours at each wedding. Vendors appreciate this offer and are generally happy with anything the facility/caterer offers should it be the same meal being served the guests or box meals.

Shawn Schindler, Your Special Day
www.makingyourdayspecial.com

                                                                                              Sincerely Nick V.

Nick~
The most respectful thing to do would be to gently have a talk with your girlfriend and explain to her that you are trying to honor the wishes of the Bride and Groom and that it is important in their eyes to have you and your ex wife involved the the ceremony and reception in the ways that you have described.  Then I would talk with your Son and his future wife and see if they were amenable to allowing you to dance with your girlfriend during the reception to a special song or have her read a poem or something the like so she does not feel left out.   I am sure that if there is some way in which she feels included she will feel better about the aspects in which she is not ~
 
All the best!
 
Rachel
 
 
Rachel Munro PWC
Bridal by the Sea ~ "The best gift you can give yourself on your wedding day!"
bbts@bridalbythesea.com
252.259.4992
 
Rachel Munro is the Owner of Bridal by the Sea, a full service wedding coordination company that has been helping couples and their families for over ten years.

Please write to her to receive her experienced advice, Etiquetteandconcerns@TheBridesBook.com

SECOND TIME AROUND

Dear Shawn,

 We have both been previously married, but never had a wedding.  We both had simply went to a magistrate for the simple ceremony.  Even though we are an older couple, my fiance and I want a more traditional wedding, since we had never had one before.  Is it proper to request that my father help out with expenses for the event?  Or for my fiance' parents to help pay for the rehearsal dinner?  We have a small budget to work with and any contribution would be greatly appreciated.  But, are we too old?  Or since we both have been married once before, is it still proper to ask for monetary assistance?

Teresa,

With today’s average wedding costing $28,000, it is very common for couples and their families to share the cost, especially for second marriages.  I would recommend that you and your finance’  plan a time that you can get together with your families to discuss your wedding plans and to determine if your parents are able and willing to assist with the financial investment.  Since you have both been married before and sound like you are established, be prepared to discuss exactly how you plan on contributing to the expense of the wedding.

Please remember that it is not a requirement that your parents “host” your wedding, simply a tradition, and they will probably be surprised at the expense.  Take the time to research the market in your area so that you have realistic numbers to present when you meet with your parents.  A professional wedding consultant will be able to assist you with this process.

Best of luck to you during this exciting time!

Shawn Schindler
Owner and Lead Consultant
Your Special Day, Weddings and Special Events

Limo Color

Dear Miss Etta,

Is it acceptable to have a black limo for a wedding?

Limo color concerned bride

Dear Concerned Bride,

While I am sure you will find a number of folks who will tell you that the color makes a difference, let me assure you that regardless of the season it does not! Limo's are not like white shoes that can only be worn between memorial and labor day. A black limo is the standard and is nopt reserved for a particular occassion. It was the original and serves many purposes as do white limos. It is simply a matter of preference!

Best wishes,

Miss Etta  

 Dear Miss Etta,

My soon to be Mother-In-Law asked me the other day what our wedding favors were going to be. When I told her that we weren't planning on giving wedding favors she was shocked. Later my fiance said that his mother had asked him to speak to me about providing wedding favors. She had even given him a list of ideas. I am really caught between a rock and a hard place. He said she would be embarrassed if a favor was not provided. My family has never given wedding favors before (I have 2 married sisters) and quiet frankly we don't have the budget for it. How do I avoid embarrassing my fiance's family who feels so strongly about this? Is this expected these days?

Karen
Fuquay-Varina, NC

 Dear Karen,

While wedding favors are more common today then in years past it certainly is not a "required" custom. You are a thoughtful bride for considering your in-laws wishes but don't let it place an undue financial burden on you and your fiance. You no doubt will need your resources for other things after the wedding. Perhaps your fiance could help relay that message to his family. In the event that they still feel a favor should be provided then perhaps they could give you a budget to work with so your guests could have a token gift. Wedding favors could be as small and simple as a few homemade treats wrapped in tulle & ribbon to individually personalized sterling frames. It may help your mother-in-law to understand that it is simply not your family custom.

Best Wishes,

Miss Etta

Dear Miss Etta,

Is there a right way to exclude your fiance's sister from being in the wedding? I'd really rather not have her as one of my bridesmaids but am feeling pressure to ask her.

Anonymous bride

Dear Anonymous Bride,

Oh My No! Exclude the sister and it's a guaranteed issue down the road. If that's your plan go ahead and pick which marriage counselor you'd like to use after the wedding. You are better off just taking the high road or finding another way to involve her in the wedding.

Miss Etta now feels obliged to inform all of the bride's who have sent in a note asking this question in one way or another. Please remember ladies that it is not a party but a bringing together of families and a time to set aside any differences that you may have. On that note Miss Etta would also like all divorced families to remember this too!

Dear Miss Etta,

In the wedding of my dreams I always thought I would have a cute little flower girl and an adorable ring bearer. Now that I am engaged and planning my wedding I would still like to have kids in our wedding. The problem is that my only sisters 2 kids are less than cooperative, (she has a 3 yr old little girl and and a 5 yr old little boy.) and in my fiance's family there are no little kids to choose from. My sister has taken it for granted that her kids will be in the wedding and is very excited about it. I hate to be so horrible about this. I love my neice and nephew but they are nearly always out of control. What do I do? It's my only wedding but she's my only sister. Do you have any suggestions?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

It sounds like you have a lot to consider. Small kids can be adorable in wedding pictures but the reality is that a 3 and sometimes 5 yr olds too, still rely on naps and an early bedtime. They get fussy and whiny when routines are changed. Many children are also uncomfortable being "on stage" and may at the last minute decide they can't walk down the aisle. These are all things to worry about with even the most agreeable child. There are many ways to manage kids and if you go in with a plan and a light heart it can turn out beautifully for all involved. If you decide to have your niece and nephew in your wedding make sure to sit down with your sister and come up with a plan to accomodate them. 

For the ceremony consider making some exceptions to tradition. Such as not requiring them to stand at the alter with you and the rest of the wedding party. Invite them to be seated (with an adult who they are comfortable with and can mind after them) in the front pew or seats and have a small basket of quiet favors to entertain them. You may also want to consider some small edible favors if your ceremony site allows you to help keep them occupied.

Your wedding planner and caterer can both offer more suggestions for both the reception and the ceremony.

Best wishes,
Miss Etta

Dear Miss Etta,

My fiancé has awful taste and is also so opinionated. Do you think it would be okay for me to make all the wedding decisions without consulting him? People tell me I have great style.
Ginny in Kansas

My Dear Ginny,
It's not a party. It's a marriage between TWO people. If your fiancé has such awful taste and is so opinionated that you can't discuss things than perhaps you should reconsider your future together...
Miss Etta

Desperate in Virginia

Dear Desperate,
Please take a deep breath and remember that your parents love you and want what’s best for you. It may take some time for them to adjust to the idea but once they see how in love you are they will eventually come around. Some things to consider and discuss may be how the two of you will live your life. Including both religions, or will one of you adopt the others? This may be a discussion to have first before you discuss with your parents but make it soon.
The worst way for your parents to find out would be from another.
Best wishes for you both!
Miss Etta

Dear Miss Etta,
HELP! My sister just came back from vacation with her girlfriends and has a big ugly tattoo that shows in the gown that she and 5 other bridesmaids are wearing 1 week from today. I don't know what to do! I don't want to hurt her feelings but I also don't want all my wedding pictures to have her tattoos.

Chris B.
Pinehurst, NC

Dear Chris,
Please don't fret. There are several products out there that can conceal your sisters’ tattoo and preserve your relationship. Debbie Gardner at Enchanting Moments Bridal Salon in Fuquay-Varina, NC tells us that Tattoo Camo works well. To pick some up try giving them a call at (919)552-6393

Best Wishes,
Miss Etta

Dear Miss Etta,
My parents are divorced and both are remarried. My future in-laws are also both divorced and remarried. Everyone seems to have so many "requirements" I can hardly see straight right now. My father is footing the bill for our entire wedding. So my step mother has quietly indicated that as a courtesy to him I should give her, my step-mother (whom I secretly loathe) priority over my mother in seating. I am very grateful for his generosity but am not totally comfortable with that. What should I do? I am so stressed I can't see straight!
Missy H.
Winston-Salem, NC

My Dearest Missy,
HEAVENS NO! The tradition of honoring your mother has nothing to do with the cost of the wedding it has to do with her simply being your mother!

Best of luck,
Miss Etta

Dear Miss Etta,
Can I go barefoot if I am getting married on the beach? My mom says no but I can't walk in the sand in high heels.
Cheri T.

Kill Devil Hills, NC

Dear Cheri,
Unless you are remaining on a walkway our bridal sources recommend either going barefoot or wearing barefoot sandals. Many bridal salons carry them or can point you in the right direction.

Kindly,
Miss Etta